Part IX.
Tragedy

The EMH
Dr. Kamala Rosea

~ Observation Lounge ~

After the meeting Kamala leaves with the other officers, satisfied the Commander Siit all though not fully recouporated. {I hope he will not over tax his energy.}

She enters the trubo lift "Main sickbay" the doors close and moments later open on the corridor, she walks down and enters.

~ Main Sickbay ~

She looks around to see that Sergeant Bronski has not yet returned, and there seems to have been much activity durring her absence. She walks over to the EMH. She smiles up at him. Around him she feels relaxed, not having to worry that he would think less of her because of her race.

"Doctor it seems to have become very active in sickbay since the meeting had begun, could you fill me in please?"

The holographic doctor excused himself from Senoc's station and approached his superior officer. "We had the usual engineering accidents: burns, trauma, etc. All of those have been treated and released. Sergeant Bronski is now in the Field Hospital. Apparently he was prematurely released and the inevitable ensued. All for the better," he said, "That's his jurisdiction anyway."

Kamala listens intently, nodding her head in agreemant with his assesment on Sergeant Bronski.

"Our latest is over there: Counselor Senoc. He claims to have undergone an exceptionally long meditative period," he said as he walked with Dr. Rosea to the main sickbay console and showed her Senoc's status readings as they were being monitored by the diagnostic arch over his biobed. "...and apparently he's missed some doses. These levels here have become increasingly erratic, which correspond to his complaints of violent feelings and urges. He's already thrown equipment at myself and Nurse Yin, so a containment field is presently up around his area." He paused. "It's one of THOSE days."

Kamala looks at him her eyes showing slight surprise. "The Counselor was in a long meditative period with out his body taking in nourishment or fluids?"

"That's nothing new with Vulcans. They've been known to take on such quests on their homeworld, and you know the climate there." The EMH pressed to display more charts. "As you can see, his blood levels are fine and there's no sign of dehydration." He led the CMO towards her office and began to whisper, "However, I did learn one thing not in his medical history."

She looks at him. Her eyes sparkle with curiousity. She responds in a whisper."What did you learn, is it pertinente to his condition?"

"It might be a factor. He's never had an episode of Ponn Far. By his age, he should have had several already. His lapse in medication might have brought the function out of dormancy." The hologram looked worried.

"I see, yes that could be a large factor in his condition, is he not full Vulcan?" She notes the Doctors expression, if he is worried then this is a very unusual condition. "Has he been medicated?"

The holographic doctor responded, still in a whisper: "According to his profile, he is part Vulcan, part Betazoid. The medication keeps those conflicting aspects of him in check. He was right to come here instead of seek another counselor - his condition is strictly chemical."

"Then we will need to bring balance to his chemical condition. A very hard racial mix, the passion of a Betazoid with logic of Vulcan. I am glad not to be in his situation."

The EMH nodded with sincerity. "By the way, there was something I wanted to ask of you. It is a -- personal request..."

Her eyes widen slightly. "A personal request, please do proceed."

The EMH cleared his throat, an entirely aesthetic action. "I wanted to discuss perhaps the addition of certain algorithms and subroutines to my program."

She looks at him. (Curious, he seems nervous.) "What type of additions have you in mind?"

He hesitated a moment, then keyed in a new file on the PADD and handed it to her.

Kamal took the padd and as she read it over. A portion of his request brought a slight blush to her cheeks. She whispers. "I understand the athletics after what had occurred here in sickbay. Dancing and singing would give you an artistic outlet." She looks at his face, her eyes sparkle. "May I ask why sex?"

The hologram winced slightly, as though afraid someone else might have heard her response. "Well, I'd like to be ready - for when the time comes. It might be any day," he whispered nervously.

Kamala smiles and nods her head. "Have you met someone who has piqued your interest?"

He smiled somewhat bashfully. "At the recent masquerade ball. She's wonderful. She - gave me a name. For the first time, I -" he paused to sigh with a glint in his eye "- I felt alive."

"A name." She smiles "What name?"

"Well," he said, looking up, "I don't use it in a professional capacity. It's more of a nickname you understand..." Over in the main area, he heard the Nurse say something unintelligible and the medics ran out.

"So what is it?" She asked.

He eyed her mischievously. "It's 'Merlin'."

"A name between friends... I will approve the additions to your program." She smiles "All of them."

The EMH grinned, unable to contain his elation. "Thank you, Doctor. I'll make the necessary arrangements with Engineering as soon as I'm relieved. This is extraordinary..."

They walked together back to the treatment area, both smiling. A few minutes with Counselor Senoc, and the last of their patients would be stabilized for the evening.

However, the light moment was shortlived. Medics Davies and Grant materialized in the surgical bay with a stretcher. "We have a flatliner!" announced Davies with urgency. "She reported chest pains, but lost consciousness while we were taking her vitals!"

The two doctors rushed towards the surgical bay while the medics skillfully moved the patient onto the main biobed. The EMH stopped short, his mouth ajar, eyes wide with shock.

Kamala steps in. She glances at the Doctor. Concerned, she takes action.

She begins cardiac induction. Injecting the patient with a hypo spray of Hyperzine, a cardiac stimulant. She then tries cardiostimulation to no avail... Checking the patient's neuro readings, there is no brain activity. She turns toward the EMH, her eyes showing sadness for him.

It couldn't be. It just couldn't be. She was in the best of health. But even he knew that these things sometimes happened without warning. Nurse Yin lingered nearby, obviously not quite certain what was wrong with him. Dr. Rosea's expression told him everything: that there was little to be done, that Marisha was the woman he was inferring to when they discussed his budding social life only moments ago in the CMO's office. She was the only one who treated him unconditionally like another member of the crew. Someone so kind-hearted couldn't just... die...

"Code White," he said in a low voice, then louder as he rushed towards the biobed: "Nurse: Code White! 2cc's Cordrazine - stat!"

Dr. Rosea stepped aside as he took over. With the medical skill of 2,000 cultures behind him, he set to work resucitating Lt. Commander Kudet. He used a combination of the hypospray of Cordrazine and a pair of neurostimulators in an effort to get some sort of response, some echo of activity. But regardless of the level of millijoules he ordered, Marisha was not destined to wake up ever again.

He looked down at her still face, knowing a part of him went with her.

He felt Dr. Rosea's hand on his arm. "Doctor, please, come with me to my office. We may talk undisturbed there. You may return to her afterwards."

He nodded, looking somewhat dazed while his neural pathways replayed every possible scenario, sometimes colliding with memories from his brief time with Marisha. He walked slowly as though greatly burdened, and somehow he found himself back in the office.

"Please sit down Doctor, and talk to me. I see the pain you are going through, in that you are as real as anyone else on this ship." She looks at him, her eyes filled with sorrow for what he is going through.

Slowly, the EMH sat down. He looked around vaguely without seeing: at the desk, the console, the stack of PADDs. Finally, he looked up to focus on Dr. Rosea. "She-" He wanted to cry, but he had no subroutines installed for crying. "She taught me how to Waltz."

Kamala walks over and places her arms around the Doctor. She simply holds him, her heart aching for his loss.

Nurse Elzara Yin

Losing patients was the worst part of the job. It wasn't something that was meant to happen, the goal of medicine after all was to heal and the sense of loss and defeat Elzara felt when they failed seemed all to familiar.

With one of the other nurses they had moved Kudets body to one of the side rooms and out of the main area of sickbay. It ensured privacy for those who wished to pay their last respects and retained some dignity for Kudet.

The Lieutenant's uniform had been changed for more traditional ceremonial robes and her face was peaceful, showing no signs of the trauma she'd been through. That at least was a blessing, Elzara reasoned - she hadn't suffered, there'd been no pain.

Elzara turned and left the room, glancing around the sickbay as she did so but there was no sign of the CMO or the EMH although a few other medical staff lingered at their stations, their expressions grim. She sighed and tapped her combadge, unsure of Kudet's religion or what ceremony, if any, that needed to be conducted. Perhaps the ships Chaplain could help.

"Nurse Yin to Tijo Qofa, please report to sickbay."

Counselor Senoc

Senoc was screaming, "Let me out of here. I am a Federation citizen what right do you to hold me here! I want to be let go now!! If someone don't let me go headswill role, litterly." As he strianed to get himself free from the restraints.

Then he saw another doctor coming in and talking with the EMH, this one is real as he was thinking. He shouted, "Let me go now!" Then he sent a mental message out for diana's, Day's, Annie,s anyones help.

The EMH

The holographic doctor walked numbly out of the office and back into the treatment area. Timidly looking towards the surgical bay, he saw that Marisha's body had already been moved.

Somewhere in his mind, he heard ranting and raving. The hologram slowly looked in senoc's direction; the Vulcan-Betazoid hybrid was manic again, unleashing a tirade and startling the nurse nearby.

He lifted his PADD and clicked, then addressed Nurse Yin: "I'll need 4.7cc's Citanul Serum. It's stored in containment module twelve beta - that's the perishables cabinet."

Ensign Elzara Yin nodded and went to the far side of the treatment area, where she entered a code to open a panel. She prepared the hypospray right there, then closed the panel. She handed it to the EMH, who then advanced toward Senoc's area.

He activated restraints and brought down the containment field. Senoc let loose with a fierce stream of betazoid profanities, while the doctor administered the dose. "I can give you a sedative as well," he said, "but it may counteract the serum. I'll have to wait another thirty minutes, but by then the control centers of your brain should be reestablishing their dominance. How do you feel, Counselor?"

Dr. Kamala Rosea, CMO

A commotion by Senoc required the EMH, she took this oportunity to make her report to the Commodore.

Kamala her thoughts {I will suggest to the Doctor to have his program updated as he requested, although his reason is gone it still may give him something to occupy himself with. Help him recover from the loss.} she sadly returns to the duties at hand. She has to make a report to Commodore Siit.

She turns to her console. "Computer send this message to Commodore Siit to be displayed as soon he accesses his terminal."
She sighs heavily.

=A= Commodore, it is my sad duty to report the death of Lt. Cmndr. Marisha Kudet, She arrived at sickbay flat lined due to heart failure an attempt to revive her was made. I am sorry sir, I failed to bring her back. Dr. Kamala Rosea. out =A=

She stands and looks out at the EMH. ( I will contact counseling, and see if Dayanair will speak with him over his loss.}

Counselor Senoc

Senoc still not really sure answers, "Confined! How else am i suppose to feel? You have me tied up like an animal and you have the gull ask how i am feeling." He was not happy at all with this treatment.

Then senoc forced himself into a meditive state once more and laid back and start to relax.

The EMH

The hologram meant medically, of course. But he knew it was Senoc's illness talking and spared the rhetoric. He hadn't the patience for this nonsense. Mercifully, Senoc went into a meditative state as part of his natural response to the medication; he'd be out for the night.

The EMH
Dr. Kamala Rosea

The EMH strolled to the office doorway. With but a brief glance, Dr. Rosea acknowledged him: "You're excused for the rest of the shift, Doctor."

He nodded. "Thank you, Doctor." He picked up the PADD he'd previously left on the desk and made his way to a back area of Sickbay...

...Lieutenant Commander Kudet was alone in one of the rooms. She looked very peaceful, like she was asleep. The EMH caressed her cheek. He knew Marisha would get nothing out of it; she only looked like she could have. He sighed and brought a chair over.

The hologram sat quietly with her for several hours, occasionally looking down at his PADD, with its proposal for subroutine enhancement. Dr. Rosea encouraged him to go through with the upgrade, explaining that it would be a gesture to honor Marisha's memory. He wasn't so certain he shared that reasoning, but agreed that he'd go through with the procedure.

At last he stood and put the chair back against the wall. The photonic man bent over her and kissed her a goodnight, then walked out of the room and Sickbay.

The EMH

Morning in the arborium. An artificial breeze made the trees and flowers bow slightly. The lighting changed to affect a sunrise, and several genus of flora opened their petals.

He felt strange. It was hard to pinpoint in what way. The new subroutines added function and ability to his body, and with them the necessary tactile sensations. He'd heard from several crewman in his time of their having felt muscles they didn't know they had. The EMH finally knew what they meant. Even his voice was suddenly more expressive, able to venture up in tone, then back down more fluidly. Merlin had no idea these additions would have such a marked effect on him, and he knew it was going to take getting used to.

One thing was clear to him now: there was no such thing as a discrete upgrade to his program; any functional subroutines would immediately change the way he felt, and with it the way he'd move or behave...

...What didn't change was his straight posture as he sat on the bench facing the carousel. It was early, and very few species on board considered this the proper time for their offspring to ride. Third shift on any vessel was considered downtime.

He hummed to the music, fascinated by the sound of his own voice. From the information he checked in the database, the EMH learned he was a tenor. He smiled to himself. It would have amused Marisha too. "I wonder what her vocal range would have been?" he thought. Then, his smile faded and he grew silent. He stared at the ground, no longer listening to the calliope. Sensations inside felt strange in an unpleasant way. There was no part of him to which he could attribute the discomfort, only that it was there when he thought of her. This was almost constantly, and started the night before, prior to his upgrade.

Sighing helped by approximately .0004%

Counselor Senoc

Senoc had awaken from his meditative sate and saw he was still restrained he called for a nurse and when one came by cautsiously, he smiled one of his best smiles and told her, "I am back to my old self no more violance. So, tell me when can i get out of this place. Diana must be worried about me."

The nurse told him notuntil a doctor saw him. He asked, "Please go get one so i can get back to my life. Oh, Nurse. I am sorry for the way i acted last night. I am not really that bad. I am quite a nice guy for a vulcan hybred." The nurse smiled and said something then went for the doctor.

Dr. Kamala Rosea

Kamala was in her office when the Nurse(NPC) came in to get her. She looks up from her desk. "yes Nurse."

"Mister Senoc is awake and calm he is asking to be released." The Nurse responds with a smiles.

Kamala standing. "I will check his bio readings, I would like you to see what he would for his meal." She leaves her office and going to Senoc where he lays on a bio bed. {A smiling Vulcan, now this may be part of his condition.}

"I see that you are responding well to the medication the EMH had given you. I will release the restraints, and let you have a meal. I do plan on keeping you longer for observation, at least another twentyfour hours. To be sure these out bursts are indeed over."

She checks over his last recorded bio readings against the present readings. She smiles slightly at him. "I suggest a form of physical release twice weekly, to work out some of the more obviously agressive behavious."

She releases the restraints, turning to the Nurse. "Get Mr. Senoc what ever he would like for his meal. Nothing which would contain any stimulants like caffiene."

She notes down the new bio readings on his chart, looks at Mr. Senoc. "You may have visitors, as long as your behaviour stays under control. Is there anything you would like to ask me?"

Counselor Senoc

Senoc answers with an confusd look on his face, "Yes, What happened here? Last i remembered was throwing a tray at someone and being very pissed of about something. Did i get really violant? I am so sorry for that. i am ashamed that people had to see that."

Then Senoc went silent and opted not to eat for now. He did ask for them to send a message for Diana "Wildcat" Beverly to come by when she is not to busy. After that he laid back down shutting the rest of the world out of his mind for he was in no shape to listen.

Counselor Dayanair
Dr. Kamala Rosea

Day walked into her office....she went straight to her computer....to bring up any messages.

The first message was a verbal one from Dr Rosea....and when she heard the doctors voice and what she said....it caused Day to slump down in the chair behind her....unable to believe whet she just heard:

INCOMING MESSAGE FROM DR KAMALA ROSEA: "It is my sad duty to anounce that Lt. Cmndr Marisha Kudet has passed away. The EMH appears to be under an emotional strain due to her passing. Dr Rosea out."

She reached over and turn off the messages....she didn't want to hear anymore.

The last thing Day wanted to hear of...is another death today....putting her elbow on the arm of the chair...she leaned her head over into her hand...and softly cried....her own pent up frustrations coming out now.

She cried for the marines that died....for Giles and now for Kudet, {I didn't know Marisha very well....but she was a strinkingly beautiful, intelligent woman....and the few times I got to speak with her....she seemed very kind}

Wiping her tears and sniffled....she closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the chair, {Dear God, I'm sorry but I don't understand sometimes....why she had to die?!....but I know someday I will understand everything....but in the meantime...I am confused....please....I beg of you....I need your divine wisdom to fill my mind....your Son's love to enlighten me....and the Holy Spirit to comfort and guide me through this stressful time....please bless and comfort everyone on this ship Lord....in your Son's name I pray...Amen.}

Then she thought about the EMH....wondering why he is distraught over Kudet's death, {I will be finding out soon enough though} she leaned up then and started typing a message to Dr Rosea....requesting to talk with her about Bronski and also about the EMH.

She hit the send button and then got up to replicate some coffee, "It's going to be a long evening after all." mumbling as she sat back down.

Sipping her coffee....she thought about Carlos and Axl, {I need to get with them also...hopefully it will be tonight....but the way it looks right now....it may have to wait until tomorrow....I need to get everything set up for Bronski....first and mostly importantly....his medications....the room for him is ready....just need to transport him over in the morning}

She sat in the quiet again....trying to absorb everything that she saw....felt....and heard through the day....while waiting to hear from Dr Rosea.

Day opened her eyes...blinking from the bright lights....she had fallen asleep in her chair....sitting up and stretching....she noticed while yawning....that there was still no response from Dr Rosea.....remembering her promise to meet with Carlos....she turned off her computer and left her office.

Kamala is checking Senoc's bio readings and noting the changes on his record. She smiles slightly. "I'll be in my office should you have any questions."

Day left Carlos' quarters.....she felt drained .....but it seems her and Carlos have made a break through. So now her mind goes back to Bronski....as she walks into sickbay.....first off...she sees Senoc, he was busy eating and a nurse was talking to him.....so she looked around for Rosea but didn't see her....walking further in....she noticed Rosea in her office....she walked up and lightly knocked on the door.

Kamala looks up from the padd she's reading. "Enter."

Day walks in, "Dr Rosea, I hope I'm not intruding?"

Kamala stands. "No of course you aren't, please sit down, may I offer you anything before we begin?"

"No thank you, I got your message about Kudet....I'm still in shock...and I can imagine you and your staff are also....you said the EMH has taken her death rather hard??" she can't help asking in question about his emotional state.

"yes, this is between us, they had the beginnings of, I would say something more than a friendship growing between them. I would like you to talk with him at your earliest opportunity." She sits down, motioning to the opposite chair.

Day sat down....but still couldn't get the questioning look off her face, "Just how much of an emotional state is he in.....I know he has a definite personality....but what type of emotions are in his program??" trying to understand the situation before she talks with him.

"He is feeling the pain of the loss." She looks into Day's eyes. "As much as any living sentient being would."

"I see.....I have talked with him before....and he seems as real to me as anyone else on this ship..." she leaned up a little, "...how did Kudet die??"

Kamala, looks down sadly. "She had a heart attack, we tried everything possible to bring her back, she was flat lined, no brain activity when she arrived. A very sad thing for one with such a future a head of her."

Day shook her head, "I just can't comprehend it....I just saw her in the briefing a few hours ago....you were there...she seemed perfectly healthy to me??" then she sighed, "But my father died the same way....massive heart attack...in a matter of minutes...he was gone." looking over at Rosea's sad face, "How are you doing??"

"I do not take well to losing a patient in such a way, I feel I failed her. I shall be fine, I do hope not to go through such a thing again. My concern is for the Doctor. He is to me as real as I am." She looks at Day her face serious. "I hope you will be able to help him through this, I could erase the memory from him, but I do not feel that would be right."

"No it wouldn't be right...unfortunately that is part of having feelings....the hurt, pain and sorrow....they come with the package." Day nodded and softened her look, "I will do whatever is necessary to help him through this." then she thought about Bronski, "I'm not sure if you are aware of Sgt Stev Bronski's condition, over at the Marine infirmary.....have they kept you updated?"

"Yes Sergeant Amar has kept me updated on his case, I understand he is to be transfered to your ward."

"Yes, I spoke with Colonel Samson about it...and he approved of the transfer." remembering she needs to discuss meds with Rosea, "I felt it would benefit him...getting him away from what reminds him of the freighter and get him more stabilized emotionally....I would like your assistance with his medications....I'm not sure what Sgt Amar is administering to him....or maybe she is only keeping him sedated??"

"She administered a calmative along with with the sedative which was given later for him to rest. I have a list of meds for him, until he is more himself he will be given what I call a cocktail of meds." Kamala looks down at a padd on her desk.

"Will there be a problem with you or one of your staff members administering his meds to him....for obvious reasons, Sgt Amar and Pvt Maddison will not be able to??"

"There will be no problem, I shall attend to him myself. I trust the EMH to handle sickbay in my absence. I have high hopes for him."

Day smiled.....she liked and respected Dr Rosea already....and it was nice to hear her commending her staff, "Then all we need to do now is get Sgt Bronski moved to his new quarters....preferably before he wakes up." she stood up then, "I don't want to keep you any longer doctor....but I will contact Sgt Amar and have Bronski moved...I'll contact you as soon as that is done."

"Thank you Lieutenant, I will go over his records once more, I would like the effects of the sedative to be worn off before administering the new drugs into his system. Please you may call me Kamala."

Day around to Dr. Rosea then....she extended her hand to the doctor, "It will be a pleasure working with you Kamala...".smiling, "...and please call me Day." they started to walk out of her office...then Day stopped, "If I may ask Kamala....I noticed one of my counselors on a biobed....Senoc...what is wrong with him??"

"He was in a meditative state for a month, and has shown rash behavior, he has been medicated. He may require counseling himself, but I feel it is a more physical problem." Kamala's voice softens. "It is something personal to Vulcans so I will not mention it."

"I see...." she didn't inquire anymore after that, "..then I will leave him in your capable hands doctor." she smiled and looked around sickbay, "I don't see the EMH....where is he??"

Kamala's eyes show sadness "I have given him time off, time to mourn."

"Good....I will locate him, when I leave here and speak with him....good day Kamala."

"Thank you Day, I do appreciate it." She smiles genuinely at her.

Kamala watches as Day leaves sickbay, she feels she may have indeed found a future friend. Smiling she turns and nodding at the Nurse returns to her office to go over the list of medications for Sergeant Bronski.

The EMH
Counselor R. Dayanair

Day left sickbay....feeling mentally drained and physically exhausted.....but she took a deep breathe then exhaled, "Computer, location of the Emergency Medical Hologram?"

The neutral female voice replied, "The Emergency Medical Hologram in located in the Arborium."

She walked to the nearest turbolift and stated, "Arborium."

As she exited the lift....the Auborium was just across the corridor...taking another deep breathe....she walked in and noticed the center of the park was adorned with a beautiful carousel....a tree-covered trail circled around the carousel....so she started walking along the trail...looking for him....her eyes finally spotted him sitting on a bench, alone.

Walking up, "Doctor...may I join you?" she motioned to the space next to him, on the bench.

The holographic doctor moved his head up just enough to see who it was from beneath his brow. Even though he had no tear ducts, he still didn't want anyone to see his face. He looked back down. "Counselor Dayanair. Yes - of course."

As Day sat down....she could see he was being evasive....and she understands, "I just came from sickbay....Dr Rosea was concerned about you and asked me to speak with you.." she sighed, "...she told me about Commander Kudet...it is a terrible loss."

He was silent for many moments. "Yes," he said finally, "The crew has suffered a great loss. Commander Kudet was among the finest befitting her department..."

"Yes, she was an expert in her field." Day looked down at her hands, in her lap, "She had many friends also....I didn't have the opportunity to get to know her better..." she looked over at him and spoke softly, "...but you did."

He slowly looked out to her from the side of his eye and nodded.

Still speaking softly, "She was a wonderful woman....so I know this must be difficult for you."

Marisha was his first friend AND girlfriend. She was his first everything. But he didn't want to be pitied for that. He sighed as steadily as he could with his upgraded vocal range. Then, suddenly: "How much did Dr. Rosea tell you?"

"That you and Marisha had become close....she didn't go into any details."

"She was - special." He sighed again, a little unevenly.

"Doctor, I didn't come here to pry..." looking at her hands agains and speaking softly, "..and Dr Rosea meant no disrepect by asking me to check on you....she is genuinely concerned about you and since speaking with her.." looking over at him, "..so am I."

He turned to look at her, revealing his face. Then, the hologram looked around nervously. "Nobody did before today... except Marisha." He turned away again, ashamed for his loss of control. Without eye contact, he took deep breaths - a purely aesthetic algorithm included into his program - and willed his vocal processor not to fail him. "In very little time, she changed my life. And - " This was so very hard to say. " - and I had barely begun to - make up for all she'd done. It isn't fair that I could not - change her life..." Hearing the words aloud, he didn't think he was making much sense.

Still looking at him, "I can't even begin to say why she was the only one that cared....except that it was meant to be....some call it fate....I believe God has a role in it....but either way....you and Marisha were meant to be together.." she looked down at her hands again, "...but unfortunately her time with us was already decided upon." she grew quiet also...then she spoke in a somber voice as she looked out in front of her, "I understand what you're feeling...when you say 'it's not fair'."

He knew the counselor would be off base; she could never begin to imagine what he'd endured even a day earlier at the hands of crewmen, how - with the exception of Marisha and perhaps a few stray individuals in the civilian sector - he was not considered alive, much less sentient. He was after all a computer program. But it wasn't for organic lifeforms to look beyond the software aspect which made his existence possible. What did Marisha call him? An elemental of light. He smiled for a moment over the phrase.

"When I worked on an Alpha Alloy Shuttle waste barge, I had a colleague - like myself in every way, including physical parameters - whose 'time had come.' He had exceeded his runtime and began to lose his memory. Gradually, he could not function, and wandered around, following me half the time.

Then, one day he was fine. But it wasn't him at all. Still, he was the same as me in construct and appearance. He had been replaced by a new holographic program. We used to tell jokes and he told me of his moments of activation on an excelsior class starship as an emergency medical supplement. Now he'd been replaced - like a faulty conduit. And nobody mourned him. I'm afraid no one understands where my kind is concerned."

"You are very correct....I can not even begin to fathom the day in the life of a computer program.....but I know what pain and sorrow feels like.....as do hundreds of other crewmen on this ship." she thought for a second, "If I were a programer...I could rewrite your programing....and erase your memory of Marisha and the pain from her loss....but I can't and wouldn't do that.." she sighed and looked at him, "...I am a counselor....who understands grief and is willing to help you with yours."

He frowned. "I'd much prefer that to a digital lobotomy. But imagine the scope of this: Imagine being regarded as nothing more than expendable technology with a talent for conversation." He sat up and looked at Counselor Dayanair fully, no longer concered about his appearance. "And suddenly, one person - in all the galaxy - finally sees you as not just a piece of software, but as a person. Such a person is one among billions..." He looked ahead at the carousel. "She should not have died. She was in good health."

Day stared out at the carousel also, "Yes, and then that one person is suddenly gone....she can never return....you can never tell her what you feel....how hurt you are or how angry you are....or how much you will miss her." she looked over at him, "It makes you want to grab the first person that walks up and tells you, 'I understand what you feel' and throw them against the wall..." she looked up at the tree hanging overhead, "....or against a tree."

The EMH looked at her, eyes wide. "I've never been compelled to do anyone harm for any such reason. It's just that - she had so much to give... and barely begun to get anything back for what she had already given." He looked back at the carousel. "She had given me life - " His lips trembled. " - and I owed her mine. But she's gone." He covered his eyes with his hand, another aesthetic reflex.

Day reacted also....by reaching over and lightly touching his arm....squeezing it....then she moved her hand back to her lap....not saying anything.....there is not much that can be said....Marisha is gone and is never coming back....and the doctor needs to express what he feels.....so she sits quietly next to him....so he won't feel alone.

Hand over his eyes, the grief compounded since he couldn't let it out with tears. The unpleasant sensations made him grateful that he wasn't on duty - he'd be unable to function.

He had felt her touch his arm - did biological beings realize he had tactile response sensors? - and missed Kudet even more. He thought of the anger Counselor Dayanair expressed, an intense emotion further fueled by the adrenals, and wondered whether such destructive actions - seemingly for the wrong reason - truly serve a purpose. He tried to sigh again, but instead some other sound came out.

Day looked over at him...as a sound escaped from his mouth.....she wondered if maybe she shouldn't have touched him.....but she can't help....she is reacting in the only way she knows how too, {I am a Human/Betazoid....trying to comfort an EMH program!} she sighed while looking at her hands, {Sitting next to him....he seems real to me....he felt real when I touched him??} she sat wondering if she is really helping him at all, {But I am not giving up....he is just as important as anyone else on this ship....if it takes sitting here all night with him....then so be it.} she cleared her throat, "How did you Marisha meet....did she come to sickbay??"

He sighed again and swallowed. "We worked together several times before, but only in a professional capacity." he managed enough of a composure to lower his hand from his face. "We met casually at the recent masquerade ball. Ensign Weiss - down in the civilian hospital - gave me a costume and told me to go to the mall. I'd never been to a social function before..."

Day nodded as he continued to explain to her.

The EMH continued: "I was certain when we unmasked that it would be the end. But it wasn't. It-" he hesitated, still somewhat unaccustomed to discussing anything nonmedical, "It all came as a total surprise. She didn't mind that I wasn't a biological humanoid at all." He looked at the carousel, spinning empty in the early morning hours. "We met only a couple of times after that. Each moment we were together was special and led to a better moment." He turned to the counselor. "Does that make sense?"

"Yes..." she smiled slightly.....she remembered Marisha was a loner type of person....and she feels happy for Marisha....that her last moments of life were spent with someone she finally cared about, "..it makes perfect sense."

He looked down again.

Day watched as he looked away again, "Doctor..." {Goodness I hate calling him doctor or EMH?!} "...do you have a name??"

He nodded. "Marisha gave me one."

She looked at him with concern, "Well, if that's too painful to use....I'll understand."

He looked at her. "Oh, no - not at all. It was her gift to me. Using it among friends would serve to preserve her memory. "

"That's very true....preserving her memory is very important." so she asked, "What name did she decide upon??"

"Merlin."

Day smiled inwardly, {That sounds like a name Marisha would decide upon} she told him, "Well, Merlin....I want to help you through this adjustment period....so if you feel comfortable with talking with me...." then she reworded, "...but it doesn't have to be official therapy sessions....in fact, we can meet here??"

He looked at her sideways for a moment, then straight ahead. "A hologram undergoing therapy. I suppose I HAVE reached a level of humanity after all. The arborium is as good a place as any. It's usually inhabited by the civilian populace, so we could guarantee discretion. I agree."

"Merlin, we can meet in a jefferies tube...if you feel that is more discrete....whatever you are comfortable with is all that matters to me.....but here is fine." she thought for a second, "Is there a certain day and time....that is convenient for you??"

He raised an eyebrow. "Why would anyone hold a counseling session in a Jeffries tube?"

She almost laughed, "You didn't get my meaning....but never mind..." she looked at him in question, "...I suppose I should talk with Dr Rosea about when is a good time for us to meet....or can we decide on that right now??"

"I have no set duty shift; they use me whenever they have need of me. Therefore, it is best if you arrange these sessions with Dr. Rosea." He realized as he spoke that, as an EMH, he was in fact property of the Medical Department.

{Goodness} she thought, {The poor man...he can't even see a counselor on his own} she sighed and then patted his arm, "Alright, I understand....I will get with Dr Rosea first thing in the..." she suddenly realized she had no idea what time it was....she has been up all night, "...I'll get with her right away."

She looked at him for a second, "I am very sorry about Marisha, Merlin....she was a beautiful woman....you were both very fortunate....I'm happy she had you in her last moments of life." she felt so bad for him, "I will leave you alone now..." she stood up then, "....and I'll be incontact with you." then she walked down the trail to leave.

As he sat staring at the Carousel.

The EMH

The EMH sighed. At some point, he realized that if he were needed and not in Sickbay, someone else might die, and he couldn't bear that. As mothers brought their children to play nearby, he got up from the bench. The hologram made his way through the fragrant bushes and out the arborium towards the fore turbolifts.

"Sickbay," he ordered. The holodoctor pondered his actions: he was perfectly capable of transferring his program in seconds. But with the addition to his athletic subroutines, something felt different. The act of walking resulted in a change in sensations which took getting used to.

Minutes later, the Sickbay doors parted to admit him. He had not made two steps, when almost everyone present turned around and stared at him. This went on for many moments; there was not a hush in the room. He tried to suppress his feelings of intimidation and swung over into the CMO's office.

He stopped before Dr. Rosea's desk and stood his usual board straightness. "Emergency Medical Hologram reporting for duty, Doctor."

The EMH
Dr. Kamala Rosea

Kamala looked up, she smiled softly at the doctor. "Please Doctor sit down, I would like to talk with you on a subject I've been considering for a while now."

The holographic doctor cautiously sat down.

Looking into his eyes with concern. "Doctor I have a proposal to make to you, I think now is a good time to put it forth."

He looked down at his lap for a moment, then back up. "What did you have in mind, Doctor?"

She smiled warmly at him. "I would like you to be my Assistant Medical Officer, I will of course need to discuss it with Commodore Siit, as to rank."

The EMH's eyes grew large, his mouth opened with awe. "Me?" his voice, with his recent upgrade, delivered the single syllable with far more emotion than he had intended.

"Yes Doctor you." Kamala stifles a laugh from the intonation of his voice. " I can think of non other more qualified than you are."

"Why, thank you, Doctor," he briefly betrayed a moment of bashfulness before catching himself. It's not that he didn't consider himself qualified - after all, he possessed the medical knowledge of over 3,000 cultures and over 5 million procedures - it's just that nobody had taken his abilities so seriously before. Or seemed to. "But - can you do that? After all, I'm only a-"

Kamala cut in. "Only one of the finest Doctors I've known... Yes I can choose who is to be my XMO, I am in charge of the medical department. You Doctor are my choice." She smiles into his eyes.

He turned his head and looked at her suspiciously. Was this an act of pity?

"Doctor." Her face serious. "I have given this thought, I feel with your new upgrades, you will be even better in dealing with the patients. I trust your skill. I have faith in you."

"Thank you, Doctor. I... I don't know what to say." He was still awed by the offer. "What do I do, I mean," he took a deep breath. "What will be the difference in my responsibilities? Will I have an actual duty shift? Or is it that I am simply placed into a chain of command?"

Kamala smiles at him, leaning forward her hands folded on her desk. "Doctor in my absence you will have command of sickbay. You will indeed have a duty shift, and I expect you to continue to socalize on your off duty hours... You are not placed in the chain of command you are a part of it. In charge of giving those that work below you instruction."

"I understand," he said. Then: "Well, only a fool wouldn't accept such a proposal. When would this change take effect?"

"I will inform Commodore Siit through Captain P'Trell." She pauses to look into his eyes, studying his features. "Will you want a time of mourning before you start your new duties?"

"I... " He didn't know what or how to ask. "Is it - customary? I do not wish to be remiss in my duties. Also," he hesitated. "What of Marisha? What will be done?"

"It is customary when not in a time of emergency to grant a leave for mourning purposes." She looks down at her hands." I am still waiting for the arrangments on Marisha's services. Nurse Yin had contacted the clergy. A friend of hers has gone in to visit with her."

"You will keep me informed...?"

"I will notify you as soon as I learn anything Doctor."

His eyes were large and sad. "Thank you, Doctor," he whispered. "I appreciate everything you've done and are doing for me."

She stands offers him her hand. "I am glad you have accepted my offer. You are dissmissed doctor. Please let me know if you need some one to talk to."

He stood and clasped her hand. "I will. Thank you for this honor," he nodded, "I will strive to do your department proud."

He stepped back from the desk and - with a nod - turned and left sickbay.

Kamala watches him leave, she smiles knowing she has made the wisest choice.
{Now to inform Captain P'Trell so he may notify Commodore Siit.}

Computer send this message to Captain P'Trells terminal. =A= Captain P'Trill, I have decided on our EMH as XMO, I would like a rank assigned to him. Please inform Commodore Siit. Thankyou Dr. Kamala Rosea out =A=

Ensign Jessica Grant

With her break more than over, Jessica returned to sickbay and approached Dr. Rosea's desk. "Ensign Grant returning to duty Ma'am." She looked at her and waited for her reply.