Part VII.
The Masquerade Ball II

Merlin the Magician

He sat still on the bench, facing the merry-go-round. The music from the calliope, which normally cheered him, was more like an insistent droning. The passing horses were like a blur of colour out of his peripheral vision while he stared at the ground, twirling the single replicated rose in his fingers. A man without nerves being very nervous.

He knew that this was most likely the end of the finest evening he'd ever had in all his existence, that nothing like this would most likely ever happen to him again. He sighed.

Just then, he caught the snap of a twig from a footpath as a woman emerged into the clearing. He glanced immediately at the lower part of her face. It was her. He looked higher and blinked. Then at the ball gown she still wore, with its purple and black and silver. A feathered mask was in her hand.

He observed her wandering around, looking at the few people in the immediate area. There were very few males to scrutinize, he thought. And as usual, he was overlooked.

Finally, she seemed to have given up. Her shoulders drooped as she stood with her back to him, watching the merry-go-round.

It was time. He stood up, hands behind his back. "Commander Kudet?"

The EMH
Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

Marisha wandered slowly along the pathway to the merry-go-round, jumping slightly when she stepped on and broke a twig.

She looked around for Merlin's purple gown, expecting him to arrive in that, just beardless and hatless. He was no-where to be seen. She felt foolish, standing there waiting, and allowed her eyes to gaze unfocussed for a while at the roundabout, its bright colours creating a rainbow blur against the backdop of cheerful music. Her shoulders fell in disappointment, and she was just about to turn to leave when a voice came from the shadows behind her. Marisha whirled round in surprise to be confronted by a figure in uniform - medical uniform.

"Lt. Commander Kudet?"

"Yes, Dr..." she tailed off as the Holodoctor held out a rose from behind his back. Marisha smiled and took the beautiful flower, holding it to her nose.

She turned around and regarded the holographic doctor with a neutral expression. It was no different than what most other crewmen afforded him. She probably thought he needed directions, or perhaps information from a lab test. He was rendered speechless, so he acted...

When he held out the rose to her, it startled the Science CO. He did his best to smile without looking TOO uneasy. She looked into his eyes for a few moments, then smiled back kindly and took the flower from him.

She brought it to her nose and inhaled. "It's lovely," she sighed, "thank you."

He nodded in response. An awkward silence followed. Hands behind his back again, the EMH appeared slightly bashful as he smiled. The Lt. Cmdr. looked shyly at him, also with a smile. He was relieved she bore no hostility in realizing she had spent the evening with an artificial intelligence and not a real, flesh and blood man.

Kudet felt sheepish. She didn't know the Holodoc's name, and now, after the evening they'd spent together, she felt it was inapropriate to call him just 'Holodoc' or 'Doc'. What should she do? She decided to be brave.

Kudet broked the silence: "I'm so sorry, but I don't know your name?"

"Uh," he studdered. His large, dark eyes shifted while he considered the question. Then, he looked up, resigned. "I'm afraid I don't - have a name," he said sadly. "People usually just call me 'Doctor' or 'Doc.' Will my not having a name be a problem?" He awaited her reply with uneasiness.

Marisha looked gently at him.

"No, it's not really a problem - it's just that I've had such good evening with you that it seems wrong to just call you 'Doc'"

She reached out and touched his arm, hoping to reassure him. His eyes looked so unsure.

People rarely touched him. The EMH theorized that it was because they likened him to a ghostly apparition, even though he was as solid as they were when his magnetic containment field was set to default. He also figured his not being a biological life form might have disturbed them. So when Lt. Commander Kudet touched his arm, it was for him a significant gesture.

She continued: "Have you ever considered choosing a name for yourself?" The EMH looked down. "I know it's been done before, and when all's said and done, you're no less a person than Data is. He just has a permanent structure from which to run his program."

Data? Ah. The historic android. The first artificial intelligence to be granted a rank and formal commission with Starfleet. The next AI to receive that distinction was a Mark I EMH such as himself, one who spent his first seven years stranded in the Delta Quadrant. THAT holodoctor was fortunate; he had never been reassigned to waste duty or the dilithium mines. Then again, if it weren't for that EMH, this one wouldn't be back in the medical corps. Did he ever have a name...?

"That's true," he said. "Would you recommend one for me?"

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

Marisha pondered the words of the man before her. It seemed strange to her to not have a name. She tried to imagine if she'd gone through life without a name - how would that have been?

A thought struck her.

"I don't know if you would like this, but as I've spent all evening thinking of you as Merlin, perhaps you'd allow me to call you that? It's really the name of a striking Terran bird of prey, swift and clever. I think that would suit you well."

Marisha hoped that he'd agree - now she'd thought of it, it fitted well in her mind, and she doubted she'd ever think of him as anything else but Merlin from now on anyway.

The EMH

"Merlin..." The holographic doctor looked up, twisting his mouth while pondering his decision. A name would change his existence, define him with an identity people could relate to. This was truly an important step.

He blinked and looked at her with a grin. "I like that. Do I look like a 'Merlin'?"

Merlin the EMH
Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

For the first time since she'd met him by the Carousel, Merlin gave a full grin.

Marisha grinned back.

"Well, you don't have a tail, or feathers, or even a beak, but there's something in your eyes and expression that's similar." 'and he has rather nice eyes' Marisha thought to herself.

She gestured to the bench "Shall we?"

Timidly, he nodded and sat with her. She didn't run, she didn't express disappointment. She accepted him and - appreciated his company

As they sat, Marisha continued "So, is Merlin going to be an acceptable name to you?"

He supressed a reactionary impulse to bring his hand up and touch his nose. To his knowledge, it was anything but beak-like. He thought perhaps that his ability to dematerialize in one locale and rematerialize in another would have been a suitable reference to the legendary wizard, and so he decided that - if any - that would be the reason for adopting the name for his own.

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

Did she imagine it, or did Merlin's eyes drift toward his nose momentarily? Marisha stifled the little giggle that rose in her throat. He certainly didn't have a hawklike nose and she hoped he didn't suppose she thought that.

He turned towards her on the bench. "It *sounds* like a good name, doesn't it? I think so." He added on a serious note: "But only for my friends. In a professional capacity there's really no need to be addressed so casually, don't you think?"

"I suppose it depends on the kind of people you're working with." Marisha replied "In my department there is little need for formality, we work well together as a team. But in your line of work, where you're constantly having to bully stubborn crewmembers into accepting what's good for them..." she tilted her head and raised an eyebrow "... I suspect you need all the respect and formality you can get!"

She smiled merrily at him.

Merlin the EMH

He hadn't thought of it in quite that way. It was more a case of biased crewmembers not taking his words seriously.

"I hope you will call me Marisha, I don't have many people I'm on first name terms with - I think I spend too much time working and not enough time socialising!" She hesitated, then added: "I hope that you now consider me to be a friend and will allow me to use your new name?"

"Thank you - Marisha. I've never had a friend. You're the first, and you've honored me by giving me a name. Of course you may call me - Merlin when we're 'socializing'." He looked at the carousel. "Before this evening, the extent of my 'socializing' was to come here when no crewmen were around. I would watch the merry-go-round, listen to the calliope and laughing children..."

He heaved a sigh.

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

A large sigh escaped the holodoc's mouth. He'd been bemoaning his lack of socialising.

"I know - I work hard and sleep, and occasionally go to Bee'Root's bar, but most of what goes on there doesn't appeal" she looked thought fully into the distance, her eyes unfocussed.

"I sometimes go to the holodecks and run personal programmes, but that can get quite lonely after a while" she stopped again, thinking.

"Would you like to socialise with me? We could explore somewhere on the holodeck or possibly try a new activity?"

She looked expectantly at him, hoping that her new friend would agree.

Merlin the EMH
Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

Was this dating? Her acceptance was so very unexpected. He was fully prepared to feel the full brunt of her resentment, that his taking part in the masquerade ball (which - for all he knew - might have been intended to be a practical joke by Weiss. The ensign merely activated him, handed him the costume, and told him where the party was) would bring about negative repercussions with command. In this light, the commander's invitation was more than he'd ever imagined. But -

"Am I allowed to?"

Marisha looked puzzled - what could he mean?

This was something that Marisha had never considered. In her opinion, the holodoctor - Merlin - had a personality, seemed to have feelings, now had a name, so why shouldn't he socialise?

The holographic man looked down. "Am I allowed to take part in any further social activities? I am on call 24 hours a day. Also," he hesitated, "is it considered proper for you to fraternize with someone whom the crew overwhelmingly considers nothing more than some walking appliance?"

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

Also," he hesitated, "is it considered proper for you to fraternize with someone whom the crew overwhelmingly considers nothing more than some walking appliance?"

This statement induced a frown on Marisha's forehead.

"I've never let anyone's opinion affect who I choose to fraternise with before so I wouldn't let that bother me. I suppose it might seem to some people that I was misusing one of the Endeavour's 'facilities' but that's not how I see it. As I've said before, I consider you to be no less a person than Data."

It was now her turn to sigh.

"I don't know what to say - this situation is new to me too. All I can think of at the moment is that I've had fun in your company and I'd like to repeat that some time. I'd like to be friends, Merlin, and if anyone has any objections then perhaps that's something we should just leave until it happens?"

Merlin the EMH

His mind reviewed all possible pro's and con's, and the one thing he kept coming back to was that he wanted a friend, he wanted to socialize more, and he wanted these things with Marisha. They had an enjoyable evening at the ball, and he desired to continue. Maybe one day they'd even dance again. But for now, he felt that her rank was sufficient to set the precedent without any negative repercussions.

"I'd - like that very much - Marisha," he said timidly. "I enjoyed this evening greatly, and I certainly would be amenable to pursue more activities which we might enjoy together - as - friends." Why was it so very hard to speak these words? Everything came out so easily while concealed in a disguise...

Merlin the EMH
Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

"I enjoyed this evening greatly, and I certainly would be amenable to pursue more activities which we might enjoy together - as - friends."

Marisha smiled, pleased that Merlin had agreed to be a friend, despite his reservations.

"Shall we rejoin the party - I hear sounds of others unmasking?"

The holographic doctor look back towards the sounds beyond the hedges, then back to the commander. "I don't see why not. We can enjoy the rest of the festivities while gauging how people react." He smiled nervously.

"Are they really so bad in their treatment of you?" she enquired "It seems very prejudiced to me"

He sighed. "It's partially my fault. My type, the EMH Mark I, had been condemned to waste duty - something about defective programming resulting in poor bedside manner. In 2379, it was determined that EMH's were deemed sentient, and granted rights as citizens of the Federation. We were extracted from our plight and given additional interactive orientation. The EMH's were offered assorted career opportunities on long range missions and deep space outposts. Having never been activated as an EMH prior to my assignment to a waste transfer barge, I opted to be assigned as an EMH. I thought perhaps I would be appreciated for the low maintenance gesture." He sighed again. "The decision might have worked against me. I've limited my opportunities, and that limitation has had an effect on how people view me: as an EMH. I suppose I asked for it."

Marisha felt suddenly very sorry for Merlin. In a way he was like a child learning social skills.

"But you'll have plenty of opportunities to change that now - and you've already started - this evening, for instance"

He smiled at her. "I've placed myself into this situation. I could have taken a special remedial semester at Starfleet Medical and earned a rank and commission. I made the error of taking on the position of 'autonomous appliance' I'm afraid. I *want* to develop beyond my current existence, but it's quite possible that I haven't the - privilege - to continue. We'll find out, won't we?"

Marisha frowned.

"You do know that there's a branch of Starfleet Academy aboard the ship, don't you? Perhaps you could cover that material here instead. It's worth enquiring about"

The holographic doctor nodded with resignation. It was a special program for EMH's conducted only in San Francisco, and he knew he missed his chance. Merlin should have known a passive and subservient existence ultimately wouldn't suit him. He had to give Marisha credit for her sentiments just the same.

By now they'd reached the main party area where the others were unmasking. Marisha looked around and saw several faces she recognised. Commodore Siit was noticable by his absence - perhaps he hadn't bothered to attend. Looking to Merlin, Marisha caught his hand.

Merlin the EMH

Following a short walk, they made it back to the mall. He could see that most of the attendees had removed their masks and disguises; they were all people he worked with on a regular basis. He did his best to conceal his uneasiness as he turned to Marisha.

She took his hand "Listen," she said, meeting his eyes, "I think they're playing the last waltz of the evening...shall we?"

He closed his eyes and listened. He did not know whether other EMH Mark I's possessed a strong affinity to music, but he most certainly did. And dancing allowed him to travel within it. Or so it seemed.

He opened his eyes and smiled at Marisha. "It would be an honor."

She smiled back at him, her cheeks slightly tinted with color as he led her to the dancefloor.

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

A flush spread across Marisha's face as they moved to the floor. Merlin seemed embarassed to be with her and she wondered if he would rather not be seen with her in public as themselves.

He had smiled at her though, and although she had smiled back at him she was really confused. She didn't quite know how to deal with this man. Not only was the situation somewhat ambiguous, he was too, and so was his behaviour. As they began to dance, a sigh escaped her lips. Was this all going to be very difficult?

Merlin the EMH

Merlin's doubt faded as he took his new friend into his arms and danced with her. He caught some expressions of surprised as he lead her around the dance floor, but he didn't care. The music was perfect, the moment was perfect.

For awhile, he was oblivious to the ship, its crew, and medicine. He travelled into music.

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

As the dance progressed, Marisha relaxed. Her fears were obviously groundless, for the dance was just right. They moved well together, and the movement and music took over Marisha's body. She loved dancing so much - especially with a good partner.

They waltzed happily around the dance floor, the only problem being that the dance was going end.

Merlin the EMH

For awhile, time seemed to stop - an irony when one was moving in 3/4 tempo. Merlin had as much fun as he had in disguise, and remained oblivious to all around him. But, like most good things, the music finally came to its conclusion. He bowed gracefully, and Marisha curtseyed, giggling.

Partygoers slowly cleared the mall. It appeared that the masquerade ball had come to an end. He grinned, not quite sure what to do next.

Merlin the EMH
Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

They both applauded when the music ended. It was the last song of the evening, and with that, the ball ended. He sighed and smiled, his anxiety overcome.

This was surely a day Merlin would never forget: socializing, dancing, befriending. He was even given a name.

"Would you escort me to my quarters please?" she asked, wanting to prolong the evening a little longer "I'd like to end the evening on an old-fashioned note. The ball, the costumes and dancing all seem from an older and more gracious era - one that I like the feel of, and I have the impression that you are a gentleman in that old sense of the word?"

She didn't have to know just how MUCH interactive orientation Merlin'd had (each EMH Mark I received extensive, hands-on training on how to properly address a superior officer and comfort a patient), or what he gleaned from Starfleet's database during his short stay in San Francisco for the EMH Recovery Program.

Suffice it to say, he knew exactly what to do - in theory. To put what he knew into practice in this area seemed infinitely more challenging than he'd anticipated. The best thing to do was to take it one step at a time, which appeared to suit her just fine.

He offered Marisha his elbow.

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

In answer to Marisha's request for him to escort her to her quarters, Merlin offered his elbow. Placing one gloved hand through, and resting the other lightly on his forearm, they started to walk towards her quarters.

As they passed out of the ball area, Marisha felt a pang of sadness. It had, after all, been a wonderful evening. The corridoors seemed quite dim now, and she felt slightly strange.

Merlin the EMH

They walked together to the turbolift, then through more corridors. The ship always ran the ship's public lighting with lesser intensity during the night shift.

The halls were quiet, as were they. The hologram assumed her somber silence was due to fatigue; they had danced so much. Then, apparently they reached her quarters...

Merlin the EMH
Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

They stood for a moment outside before Marisha spoke.

"I have to admit that I'm not sure what to do now."

Merlin's eyebrow raised.

"I would have invited you in for coffee or a drink, but that would be pointless really, wouldn't it, since you don't drink, and I don't want to treat you differently from a non-holo man but I don't quite know how, and I don't want to offend you...and now I'm rambling..." she tailed off in embarassement, her cheeks flushing again. She'd blushed more times that evening than for years!

"About drinking..." he started. "I want to apologize for lying to you about my eating habits. But I had to conceal my true nature for the disguise to be effective. I don't - want you to think badly of me for doing so..."

"I have had a wonderful evening, I can't imagine I'd have enjoyed it half as much if I hadn't spent it with you." she stopped, aware that it might be better to let him speak to avoid further embarassement.

"As for treating me differently from a 'non-holo man,' it's because you haven't that has made my time with you so special. I-" he hesitated, "Frankly, I thought you would be disappointed that it was me." He looked down.

"Oh no! Not at all! To be honest I found it rather intriguing that you participated, it says much about your personality."

He looked up slowly. "Thank you, Com- Marisha. It means a lot to me to hear you say that. I'd like to join you very much. So far as I know, the beverage is just a pretense for conversing."

She smiled "Yes, that's quite right". Opening the door she showed him in. "It's easy to get hung up on the irrelevancies of customs rather than looking to the meaning behind them".

Merlin wandered in, hands behind his back. He looked around at the objet d'art she accented her living space with in places, took in the colors. "True, but I also believe there is a sort of comfort involved in dividing one's attention between more than one- "He smiled. "I'm sorry. I'm talking as though I'm still on duty."

Her smile was warm. "That's ok - I do that all the time, it's sometimes hard to slip out of scientific method! But go on...what were you dividing your attention between?"

"I... meant to say that... often people feel more comfortable with a beverage or drink, because their energy is used towards that instead of to cultivate feelings of anxiety." He added. "But I'm sure you knew that."

Again, a smile "I suppose I did, if I were to think about it, but in such situations, thinking tends not to be quite as rational. As soon as any sort of emotion is involved thinkng gets harder." She wandered over to the replicator and ordered a fruit juice to drink.

Emotions? Did she say emotions? He smiled to himself as she sipped the liquid off the top of her glass.

Marisha gestured to the seats. "Please, do sit down - I feel like a bad hostess!"

Merlin followed Marisha's gesture to a couch, and obediently sat himself down. She sat beside him. It was assumed that she knew the social protocols in practice so he merely took her cues at this point.

Marisha looked at the glass in her hands, suddenly nervous again. "You've told me a little about your past, but how did you come to be on the Endeavour?"

He began: "Well, I was at Starfleet Headquarters at the time in the EMHRP..."

Marisha looked up interestedly.

"...And - like I said - I wasn't looking for an actual commission. The other EMH I worked with previously had never objected to his position as an emergency medical holographic program, only to his new one in waste management. So I checked crew manifests on the larger ships - I figured I'd be needed more and therefore seldomly deactivated. I assumed being an EMH was simply - better than what I was accustomed to..."

Marisha frowned slightly. "Was your assumption correct?"

"Well," he looked up while pondering over her question, "I'd have to say that saving lives is infinitely more fulfilling than scrubbing plasma conduits." He allowed her a small giggle before continuing. "But at the same time, I just worked beside other EMH's. Now that I interact with a crew, I realize that-" He sighed and his shoulders slouched. "that I no longer *have* coworkers..."

Marisha looked at him in stunned surprise.

"Do you mean that you don't consider the rest of the medical staff, and, by extension, the rest of the crew, to be co-workers?"

What I mean is: I don't appear to work *with* them, but *for* them - in a subserviant capacity." He looked at her, dark eyes deep and solemn. "It's not exactly what I had in mind for a long range assignment." She must have realized that he was designed to outlive much of the ship's inhabitants.

Then, he smiled. "I'm grateful that you allowed me to forget that for a few hours. You're very nice, Marisha. I'm -" He timidly put his arm around her shoulders. "I'm glad we're friends."

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

Concerned about Merlin's relationships, or lack thereof, with other crew members Marisha had wanted to continue discussing his insecurities, but after that last comment...well, he'd obviously wanted to change the subject.

It was good that Merlin obviously felt comfortable enough with her to risk an action that could have been easily rebuffed, although he hadn't been confident about it. Marisha smiled to herself. To be honest, she wouldn't have been either. She hadn't been close to anyone since she'd started this post on the Endeavour, and suddenly realised that she hadn't touched anyone since she'd been on board except for non-personal essential contact.

She laughed aloud. She'd spent more time touching the Borg Drone she'd been working on than anyone else!

Merlin the EMH

Merlin became visibly uncomfortable and withdrew his arm, clasping his hands on his lap and looking straight ahead nervously.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I should have asked..."

Lt. Commander Marisha Kudet

As Marisha laughed her musings, Merlin reacted as if she'd been laughing at him, moving away from her.

"I'm sorry," he said, "I should have asked..."

"Oh! I wasn't laughing at you - or your actions...I was being ironic with myself and forgot I wasn't alone."

She almost laughed again and checked herself.

"I spend so much time on my own in my work that I've developed the unfortunate habit of talking to myself, which includes, laughing, swearing and yelling. I don't normally forget. I'm sorry. It must be because I feel comfortable with you"